Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Why Can't We All Just...Leave Me Alone?!

My husband, The Mayor, and I are very different. He has a need to make others happy, while I just have a need to be left alone until I choose otherwise.

I have no problem with The Mayor's decision on how he will live his life, as long as he doesn't expect me to change my behavior to suit him. And he does not. He understands that I don't have a need for a large circle of acquaintances, and I am perfectly happy with a couple of close friends. Sometimes I have friends who are very close and sometimes I don't. Because I choose not to have my friends picked for me, say by joining a club, I reserve the right to back away from a friendship without a vote having to take place. It's nice. If a friend is behaving like a chronic moron and is doing things that may effect how I am trying to raise my children, I don't have much space in my life for that friend anymore. My kids come first. My decision, no discussion, no voting.

This cat could be talking to you.
The Mayor belongs to a motorcycle club. The wives of most of the club members have their own club. The rank in their club has been determined by the rank in the real club. Much like how snooty military wives behave. I have also experienced this ridiculous behavior in my husband's job. Wives of higher "ranked" positions are higher "ranked" themselves. Yes, I agree. It is rank. I have no desire to participate in something so ridiculous. The motorcycle club wives have pestered my husband to tell me to participate in their group. They have a message board online and I should also be online getting to know them. No thanks. I'm good. I can't find a lot in common with women who don't mind being called certain names because they ride on the back of motorcycles and other derogatory terms.* I guess I have some respect for myself. I also won't be put in my place by someone I hardly know and didn't pick as a friend. I have a job, thanks, and a few bosses who have the right to tell me what to do. 

But without the smile.

I am lucky The Mayor understands my position and he has repeatedly told these women that I am too busy to be involved. That is a very civil way of handling it, but honestly, since these chicks don't seem to be getting the picture, I wish he would just say, "Look, she isn't like you, she doesn't want to get to know you, and she isn't interested in your little groupie group." Meanwhile, when I do see these women, because I do go to club events occasionally, they treat me like a pariah. As soon as I am gone, they are sweet as pie to The Mayor, asking when I will get on the dang message board and just get to know them already. Seriously. It is too bad I expected more from adults than I usually get. This does not make me regret my decision not to join a sorority when I was in college. I can see I missed nothing.

She's only 40.  Please.  Wear sunscreen.
Not to be misunderstood, I am not saying that all of the women involved in the group are people I would never be friends with. But when you get into a group mentality, people behave in ways they would not if they were acting independently. So, while I might like a couple of the women on their own, and out of motorcycle costume, I certainly will not allow myself to be lumped into a group of catty women, who believe their husband's rank is their own, no voting necessary.

Just remember this, while being part of a group is not a bad thing, retain your brain.

*This is my perception of how most of the public views the female position in the world of motorcycle clubs.  This is not how I believe my husband, or the guys in his club (which is a respectable, non-outlaw club), addresses women.  If I believed these guys did speak about women in this way, we would have a very serious issue.  The only reason this perception is mentioned, is because the motorcycle culture look is the same, regardless of the respectfulness of the club.


  1. I like the way you think. Nice blog.

  2. My husband and I are the same way. He's a social butterfly. I'm introverted. I prefer time to myself. I don't enjoy clubs much either. I'm not into uniforms and the cliquishness. Now that we have a daughter I am even worse. All I want is to get some time alone! It's near impossible these days.

    I love the hot motorcycle Grandma.

    1. I LOVE alone time. My husband works an odd shift, so I'm alone after the kids go to bed most nights, but honestly, that hardly counts as I am barely alert enough to do more than finish up my "chores" and go to bed myself.

  3. I don't know if you want to keep captcha on your comments. When I was using blogger I got rid of mine and people commented much more. Sometimes you have to go through three captcha's on blogger before you find one that is readable. Anyway, if you want to remove it this tutorial really helped me.


    If you want to keep it that's cool too.

    1. Thank you, thank you, yes! I hate the captcha! Half the time I can hardly decipher it. I blame my astigmatism, but I wear glasses, so it must be something else.

  4. Oh, I love you... for this entry alone I love you. We're friends now. My husband is the president of a MC and I'm the wife that a) refuses to wear a vest because I won't be called an "old lady" or "property" b) went off on someone because they called me a bitch before they knew me. I will show you my bitch side and you will use that term with fear and resentment not as a sign of respect. c) Refuse to help with anything related to the club and d) have befriended only the wife of the VP and only because we both hate being club wives.

    I have little to nothing in common with the other club wives and immediately reject anyone that looks to me as a leader because my husband is. That isn't how I work my friends, my marriage or my social life. It's annoying.

    I will now start cross-posting my blog again so I have a reason to keep up with you. I don't want to sound clingy but I'm just so relieved to finally meet someone besides the VP's wife who isn't all, "My husband does this and it affects my self-worth soooo much that I'm going to blindly follow this strange women I just met today."